|Original broadcast date:||(UK) 2 January 2000 on BBC1|
|Filmed in:||16:9 aspect ratio|
Stuart Milligan as Adam Klaus
Nina Sosanya as Karen Blaine
Harry Peacock as Floyd Goodman
Clifford Barry as Joe Wheeler
John Bennett as Frank Geiger
Hatty Hayridge as Lizzie Gillespie
Cavan Clerkin as Sidney Australia
John Bird as D.I. Nathan Gallo
Deni Francis as Researcher
Lee Ingleby as Derek Spratley
Stuart Muirs as Drunken Man
Jonathan Ross as himself
View guest cast
Karen, Floyd and Joe walk towards an old disused house to meet a man called Geiger. Geiger isn't a great looking man, nor is he interested in obeying the law, but then neither are they. Karen isn't supposed to be there, but Joe says she's okay. Geiger suggests she can warm them all up. Karen looks scared and worried, but Geiger throws her something and says they've run out of coal, she'll have to improvise.
Geiger goes through the plan. As soon as they hit the Island, they ring a man who will give them the goods. He shows them a number from his book of contacts. Then, as soon as they get back, they are to ring Geiger who will call their man in Amsterdam and arrange for someone to come over and check that the goods are pucker. The hand over will take place here, after which they will be paid. Any questions, Geiger asks? Joe says that if they knew the number of the name in Amsterdam, they could save Geiger a lot of bother and goes to take the contacts book. Geiger stops him by pacing a gun on the book.
Later Karen has got the fire going in another room. Geiger has fallen asleep (drink induced!) whilst sitting in a chair and leaning on the table. Again Joe and Floyd try and take the contacts book. Geiger wakes up and walks out, stopping them. He goes into the room where Karen is making the fire, and starts touching her neck in a letching way. She's clearly not interested, but he has his gun, so there's not much she can do. Geiger has stupidly left his contacts book behind, and Joe is busy trying to find the Amsterdam number. He motions for Floyd to keep an eye out for Geiger. Floyd finds Geiger trying to touch up Karen and tells him to get his hands off her. Geiger turns the gun on Floyd and grabs Karen by the back of her neck forcing her up and walks her into the other room.
Geiger finds Joe writing the Amsterdam number down in another note book, and accuses him of trying to cut out the middle man, namely him. Maybe he'll just have to cut out Joe, and fires a shot which barely misses Joe's head. Floyd, frightened, grabs a poker and hits Geiger from behind, and continues hitting him until he's lying unconscious on the floor. Joe goes to grab the contacts book, but Geiger grabs him by the leg and forces him down. Again Floyd acts on instinct and grabs Geiger's gun and proceeds to empty the contents in Geiger's head. This time, Geiger doesn't get up.
They take Geiger's body down into the cellar of the house and leave him lying face down on the floor in the corner. They then lock the door and move a cupboard in front of it to block it. Karen asks what they are doing, and Floyd says no-one will find him here. It's like Joe said, the guy wasn't human. They leave, going back to their car and driving away. It's raining heavily, and Floyd throws the key to the cellar into a nearby river.
At the theatre where Adam is doing his latest show, Maddy give Jonathan a present for his birthday. It's a book called Cards as Weapons, by Ricky Jay. Jonathan loves it asking her how she managed to track it down. Maddy says she could lie and say the Internet, but she actually had to go round loads of book shops in New York. Jonathan says Ricky Jay does a two hour set, that's nothing but card manipulation. Making them fly around the room, chopping candle in half and stuff. Adam comes along and give Jonathan his present. It's a set of Adam Klaus bath products, the flannel has a picture of Adam on it. "For me to wash my face with, Jonathan says, "though I suppose you could use it anywhere" Maddy quips. Adam then says they should hit the town and celebrate, anywhere Jonathan wants to go, his treat. Jonathan looks at Adam, and says, "really?"
We then see Maddy, Jonathan and Adam at a club called the Trick Joint, a sort of magician's version of the Comedy Store. A man is currently pulling a sting of sausages out of his trousers to the tune of the firework suite. Adam clearly isn't impressed but Jonathan and Maddy are loving it. The next act is Lizzie Gillespie. She picks Adam to be her volunteer and asks him to pick a banana from a bunch, and asks him to peel it without showing her. She then tells him to put it back in the bunch anywhere he likes. She then shows him his banana has disappeared by holding up an empty banana skin. She asks Adam to put his hand in his left pocket and show them any loose change etc. that he has. He does show, and shows the audience some cut pieces of banana! He then goes into his right pocket as instructed and pulls out a whole banana!
Later in the loo, Adam is clearly not happy, he tells Jonathan that the tricks he's seen here tonight are terrible. Jonathan defends them by saying that along with all the rubbish you get some really good new ideas.
Maddy is called up on stage for the next trick. She's asked to check a doll out, to see if it's been interfered with in any way - it hasn't. The magician then places it in a shoe box, and asks his partner on stage to chop it in half with a meat cleaver once he has removed his hands from the box. He does so, but misses the box completely and chops the top of the magician's fingers instead. Blood spurts out everywhere, but this is clearly part of the trick. This doesn't stop Maddy from fainting though! Adam and Jonathan run up to the stage to help Maddy, and proceed to give her heart massage (it seems Adam's had a lot of practice massaging just under the breast bone). Maddy wakes up and gives the magician a bit of an earful, she doesn't appreciate being scared witless. She then says she's all for leaving, as is Adam, but Jonathan wants to stay for a few more acts. Maddy says he can pop round whenever, she'll still be up.
Jonathan walks back into the club but is stopped by Karen. She needs to speak to him desperately about a murder. As Maddy climbs into Adam's Rolls Royce, she spots Jonathan getting into Karen's car, the look on her face speaks volumes!
In Karen's car, Jonathan says if they are going to talk about a murder, shouldn't she be talking to the police? But they were there, they saw it all, she says. Jonathan looks confused, so Karen tells him the order of events. She was working as a bar maid in a pub. That's where she met Floyd, a one time professional boxer, but it didn't work out. Not much in his life had. They just seemed to click together. There were three of them that used to hang out at a betting shop next to the pub, Floyd, Joe and Geiger. Geiger has contacts, and he needed some innocent looking people to fly out to the Caribbean and bring back some drugs to his place. How they found the place, God only knows. A dank farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. She then explains how Geiger was killed and what they did with the body and the key to the cellar. Joe now had Geiger's contacts book and when he got back from the Caribbean he was going to start dealing direct with the big boys. Except he didn't get back from the Caribbean The police must have had a tip off, and Joe was shot trying to flee the scene. Floyd and Karen managed to get away, and for a few months they went to ground and hid away in the Caribbean until things settled down. During this time, Floyd became strange. It only took a few stories from the locals about witch doctors and voodoo, to convince Floyd that it was all Geiger's revenge from beyond the grave, and that he was next.
By the time they got back to England, it was all too much for Floyd. He decided to go to the police and confess everything and hope for the best. Karen said that if that's what he wanted to do, of course she'd stick by him. He went and confessed to the police about Geiger's murder. In order to check his story, they were taken back to Geiger's farm house, a place called Frog Hollow. There they go to the door to the cellar, and the cupboard is still in front of the door, as they had left it three months previously. The police try to move it, but can't, it's become wedged. They take an axe to it and eventually move the cupboard. Karen screams and Floyd looks terrified as a hand can be seen poking out from under the door. The door is broken down and Geiger's body is seen looking up the stairs one hand trying to get out of the door. How can a dead man, with six bullets in his head crawl up a flight of stairs?
Jonathan says if that's all he'll be off then. Karen asks him to help her and Floyd. Floyd is slowly loosing his mind. He's convinced that Geiger's spirit is out there some where, and will eventually come for him.
Later at Maddy's place Jonathan is banging on the door asking to be let in, he knows Maddy's in and can hear him. Which she can of course, but she's too busy nursing a bottle of wine to let him in. A neighbour opens their door to see what all the noise is, so Jonathan accepts defeat and leaves.
Back at the theatre Adam opens a letter telling him he's been shortlisted for the magician of the year in the magic awards, while Jonathan is practising his newly learnt card throwing skills. He knocks a vase of a pedestal, and is quite pleased with himself. Adam says that he got a call from Jonathan Ross the other day. It would appear that Adam agreed to do his new chat show whilst he was drunk at a party last week. He's debating whether to do it or not as Jonathan Ross is all hip and trendy, all he has to say is "nice suit" and the audience starts laughing. Jonathan points out that is may well do him good for the magic awards, a free bit of publicity. He decides to do the interview.
Later we see Adam talking to a woman who is sorting out what will be discussed at Adam's interview. He does extensive charity work he tells her, but he doesn't want to go into it in any great detail. Okay, says the woman, at which point Adam tries to correct his false modesty by saying he'll talk about it, if he's asked (of course!).
Jonathan meanwhile is working on a prop on stage when his mobile rings. It's Maddy, he's been trying to get her for ages, and tries to explain about Karen. Maddy says she knows and suggests she comes over to discuss it. It's 13:29, and she reckons she could be there by 13:30. Jonathan turns round and sees Maddy standing behind him!
At the police station, Jonathan and Maddy listen to Floyd talk about Geiger. He's clearly lost it somewhat, and refuses to talk until he knows Geiger is gone for good. The policeman in charge says that Jonathan can see their problem, any help he can give will be well received. Maddy doesn't understand, what is it that Floyd is so scared to talk about? Surely he's already confessed everything? The Inspector explains that Frank Geiger was the main contact point for a drug dealer working out of Amsterdam. The name of which was in the contact book. The book has now gone missing. It wasn't found on Joe's body or anywhere in his belongings. Perhaps he memorised it and destroyed it, they simply don't know. The name in that book could seriously help them make a dent in the drug trafficking market, and if Floyd saw it, they need to know. But until this Geiger business is cleared up Floyd won't talk. The Inspector then tells them, that when they were on their way to Frogs Hollow, he remembered that Geiger had a copy of the name and number of his Amsterdam contact in his pocket. It was the copy that Joe wrote down and Geiger snatched off him. However when they looked, the piece of paper was blank. Another puzzle to solve.
The policeman asks Karen to hand him the file behind her. He takes out the piece of paper they found and hands it to Maddy. She suggests someone could have swapped it somehow? Jonathan dismisses this idea, what for an exact duplicate but blank?
At Adam's home, he's watching the interview he did with Jonathan Ross. Adam did the same trick with a banana that Lizzie Gillespie did on him. Jonathan Ross is impressed but Lizzie Gillespie isn't, she's in the audience and accuses him of stealing her trick! Adam collapses on his bed groaning.
Jonathan and Maddy are in a field near Frogs Hollow. Her car is stuck in mud and Jonathan is trying to push it out. The back wheels spin and Jonathan falls over in the mud dropping his mobile phone (although he doesn't notice). He gets up and goes up to the driver window. He complains it's always the same when he goes out with her and her car. "Let's take a short cut and save half an hour."
As they walk down a hill to get to the farm house, Maddy suggests a number of ways of getting into the cellar, which Jonathan systematically dismisses. Maddy clearly is getting cheesed off with Jonathan's "I'm always right" attitude. He asks her if her hostility is still about the witch doctor song. "Ooh-e-Ooh-Ah-Ah-Bing-Bang-Walla-Walla-Bing-Bang," he says. No, Maddy reckons the words are "Ooh-e-Ooh-Ah-Ah-Ding-Dang-Walla-Lolla-Dong-Lang!". Why did they start talking about Voodoo and witch doctors anyway, Jonathan says. He then notices the farm house, he was expecting more of a police presence around the place still.
As they enter the farmhouse Maddy suggests the ink on the piece of paper was special and faded away after a while? And to move the body? Well someone could have fed a rope under the door and dragged it up the stairs...motive? Obviously to make Floyd too scared to talk. "Will you just slow down, stop thinking with your mouth for a second, and get your brain a chance to function," Jonathan says. How would you connect a rope to a body underneath the door? Why would Joe use disappearing ink in his own notebook, and if you wanted to stop Floyd talking, why not just shoot him? Maddy finds an old cigarette card on the floor.
They then go down into the cellar. Jonathan finds another cigarette card on the stairs as they descend. Maddy sits on the stairs eating jelly babies while Jonathan snoops around. She comments that there is something about Karen that bothers her. It's like when Jonathan says he's seen something but he doesn't know what it is yet. Hopefully it will come to her later. Jonathan finds an old collectors album for the cigarette cards, he flicks through the album and sees some of the cards are missing. Maddy found one, and he's got another, and he asks Maddy if she's sitting on Sir Dennis Compton. Jonathan finds Dennis in the corner of the room. Maddy says he appears to be taking leave of his senses. "Possibly," he says, "but I haven't just put a live slug in my mouth." Maddy spit out what she thought was a jelly baby!
Maddy asks what he's found. Enough, Jonathan reckons, to help solve this mystery, he replies. They then hear a noise upstairs and walk out of the cellar. All seems quiet until Maddy jumps out of her skin at a face in the window...
Meanwhile Adam is pacing back and forth in his room while his assistant is frantically trying to escape from a bag covered in changes. He's worried about the magic awards, "if you've won, you always know" he says. He takes his mobile phone and proceeds to call some of his magician friends to congratulate them on winning the award. If they don't know, he knows they haven't won... His third phone call confirms he hasn't won the award.
Back at Frogs Hollow, the face at the window turns out to be a policeman. He's a young chap, who is a bit worried that the cast of goodfellas is going to turn up looking for any drugs left behind. He's just been trying to radio in, but he thinks his battery is flat. Jonathan comments Maddy and he aren't going to get out of here without some help, and asks Maddy where her phone is. She left it in the car, so Jonathan leaves and goes back to the car (still stuck in mud!) to phone for help. At the car, a man approaches Jonathan from behind...
Maddy meanwhile is chatting away in her usual way, and is looking in cupboards trying to find a clue. She opens one cupboard and finds a dead body, one that has recently been shot. She turns to see the police welding a gun, and looking a bit more menacing than she'd like.
Jonathan is now in a car with the Inspector which is driving to the house. The real policeman on duty called them about two hours ago, to report a man prowling around outside who could well be armed. Possibly one of their Dutch friends clearing up some loose ends? who knows. He's certainly not the kind of man you want to mess with.
They arrive at the house, and the Inspector tells Jonathan to go in and see if he can talk Maddy and the impostor out calmly, the swat team will do the rest. Sadly they are too late, and the impostor comes out of the house holding a gun in Maddy's mouth. He tells them all to back off, and leave the car they came. He's already killed eleven people he boasts, he could make it twelve unless they back off. The Inspector tells his team to back away. The impostor moves towards the car. Jonathan and Maddy exchange looks and she proceeds to faint before the impostor can force her into the car. The impostor calls out to Jonathan telling him, he's taking him instead of Maddy. Again Jonathan looks at Maddy who opens her eye to let him know she's alright. As Jonathan moves towards the car, he places his hand in his pocket and tells the Inspector to get ready to fire. The impostor tells Jonathan to get his hands where he can see them and Jonathan does so, raising his hands above his head. From the front we can't see anything, but from a back view, Jonathan is holding the three of spades playing card between his fingers. When he gets close enough he throws the card and it hits the impostor in the face. A marksman shoots and the impostor goes down. Jonathan goes off to comfort a terrified Maddy. The police find drugs on the impostor Maddy says, if he'd missed, she'd be dead. "I did. I was aiming for his balls," Jonathan replies.
At the theatre Maddy walks in as Adam is finishing a phone call. He arranges to meet someone at 18:00 on Sunday to play music. He has a guitar, and will be playing in a local bar on the night of the British Magic Awards, just like Woody Allen does on Oscar nights. Jonathan appears and Maddy tells him their last little enquiry has locked it all up now, so they can pop off to see Inspector Gallow and explain all. Jonathan agrees and gets his coat. He then asks if Maddy was talking to Adam about the music awards. She tells him that she gets the impression Adam knows he hasn't won. On the contrary, Jonathan says, he's going to presented with a life time achievement award. But it's all extremely hush hush, so she mustn't go blabbing. Maddy takes offence at the implication! Adam turns round and asks if he's left a sliding tube for guitars in the hidden shelf on the table behind her. Maddy finds it, and suddenly a thought clicks in her head.
At the police station they walk into Floyd's cell to explain all. Half the problem is that Floyd's already painted Geiger as a force of evil, someone who you couldn't really kill. A force which allowed him to crawl up some stairs along with three cigarette cards. However the only force at work here, was nature. On the night in question it was raining heavily. This was enough to make the river burst it's banks, and flood the valley. Frogs Hollow is at the bottom of the valley, and so water poured into the house, under the door and into the cellar. So Geiger would float along with the cigarette cards which have come loose from the collectors book. Geiger slowly floats towards the stairs a hand slowly creeping under the door. As the house was old the cellar hadn't been air tight for years, so over the next few weeks the water would have receded away leaving Geiger where he floated to. It also explains why the ink disappeared off the paper, the water would have washed it away.
Floyd asks if they are on the level? Well they can't confirm the water theory, but it's well known that the conditions around the area can get bad, it's just no-one's around to see them. The inspector explains that they now know that Frogs Hollow was their main rendezvous and storage point, and while they have a lot of dead underlings downstairs in the morgue, they are no nearer the head man. Karen pleads with Flood to tell them the name he saw on the piece of paper, he knows nothing will happen to him now. Floyd agrees and tries to remember the name. Inspector Gallow motions for Jonathan and Maddy that they should leave Karen and Floyd alone. Outside the cell Maddy says everythings ended up nicely. Except, what will Floyd do when he discovers his girlfriend is a copper? Gallows says he doesn't know what she's talking about, but Maddy pushes it home. Who else would have tipped off the police in the Caribbean? Also, when he asked Karen to hand him the file in his office earlier, he said "hand me the SOCO file" How many people outside the police would know that SOCO stood for Scene of Crime Officers report? Plus there were dozens of files there, how would she know which one to go for? Gallows finally admits that Karen is an under cover cop, she was on Geiger's tale for ages looking for a way in, until Floyd came along.
Later at the magic awards Jonathan is in his dinner jacket waiting for Maddy. She arrives, and Jonathan asks her if she's seen Adam. Maddy replies, no and she's not likely too is she, he hasn't won. Not in his category no, but they discussed this, he's getting the life time achievement award. Yes, she says, and he doesn't have to worry, she didn't breathe a word about it. What!!?? The whole point of Jonathan telling her was so she'd blab to Adam, so he'd have some time to prepare himself. Well if that was the plan, it would have gone better if she'd known! Where the hell is Adam then? Maddy explain he told her that he was going to do a Woody Allen and play blues at a pub.
Adam is in the pub from hell, trying to sing the blues to a crowd who clearly doesn't appreciate it and are more interested in throwing up on his shoes.
D.I. Nathan Gallo